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Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal, Lies & Secrets

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Today in every neighborhood, in every community, women are being challenged by the addictive nature of their partner's sexual behavior. No matter who you are and what your background is, to be in a relationship with someone you love, who you believe loves you, someone you have a commitment with, only to realize he has been acting out sexually is one of the greatest betrayals. Women have been deceived, and lied to; vows have been violated, again and again. They have been ignored or manipulated emotionally and physically; maybe asked to engage in sexual practices that they found repulsive or abusive, often exposed to sexually transmitted diseases. They may come to find he has been in relationships that involve financial commitments and possibly even children. Deceived describes women in a community of healing who claim their worth and power through the support of other women and find a path to garner esteem and personal power to make the choices that allow them dignity. It offers direction, hope and inspiration; women no longer have to live in the shadow of their partner's behavior, they can claim their value and integrity and self-respect, and in this process trust themselves to be able to care for themselves and their family. Deceived teaches women how to protectively emerge from emotional isolation, shed secrets and shame, and discover the power to incite positive change in their relationship. I discuss how history often influences the unknowing choice of partner and talk about the phenomena of walking on eggshells and the emotional roller coaster ride that comes with suspicions, yet wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. I talk about the issue of trusting your intuition and then the knowing and the many ramifications of his betrayal, from health, kids, finances, to what this means for the relationship. Nearly a decade ago, I began to work with my first group of female partners confronted with sexual betrayal. It was this professional experience that inspired me to write Deceived. Early in this work I quickly noticed three things. First, I saw that the wives and partners frequently came from addictive, abusive, or otherwise impaired family systems. Second, I realized that the socialization of women reinforced much of the woman's behavior in these relationships. Give the man the benefit of the doubt. Don't trust yourself. Accommodate. Dismiss your needs in deference to the needs of others, particularly him. Third, while there are many similarities between those addicted to alcohol and drugs and those who act out sexually, being the partner of someone who acts out sexually is a more personal, confusing, and shameful affront. The women I worked with experienced consequences that were disruptive on every level of life; morally, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. In reading Deceived it is my hope the reader will better understand what is happening in her life, will garner validation for her experiences, and find a path that offers clarity, direction, and voice. To view a short promo video on this book, click HERE Claudia discussed Deceived on Step Wisdom with Eleanor Alden on Voice America. Click here StepWisdom VoiceAmerica™ to listen to the interview.

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